Once i adopted him
– he’s a ruwharige teckel
a sausage dog
Un Chien de saucisse –
I told him: let’s make a deal
Ok so
I’m not going to be able to love you
But I’m going to provide
Feed you your brokjes
Go for long walks in the park,
pick up your shit and put it in a zakje
Talk to other dog owners
with whom I have nothing in common
You have to understand,
little hairy fella, little furry friend
People have a different kind of love for their pets
As they do for their Tinderdates
It’s weird
it’s what they call unconditionally
It’s like even if you vote Forum voor Democratie
Even if you become a serial killer or a nazi
They would still love you
That’s what they call unconditionally
I will pay the bills when you break a leg
When you chew on a kippenbotje
I will look for it in your braaksel
I’m going to buy all the necessity’s
I will throw a tennis ball
But I won’t be able to love unconditionally
Some of them say it’s only possible for chosen family bonds
Some of them feel it for their partners, some even for Britney Spears
Some have a parrot others have a photo on their bedroom wall
Some of them have never felt anything like it at all
So I will yell at the kid who throws a rotje at you
I will tuck you in when it gets colder in the winter
I will stay up all night when you feel sick
I will take you with me on holidays
And get upset over every ‘no dogs allowed’ sign
I may even send kerstkaarten with your face on it
But I won’t be able to love unconditionally
Some people cannot shut up about their kids
Some people yell at teachers
Some people don’t see any flaws
Some people love unconditionally
For me, I’m afraid, I won’t be able to achieve
This level of love, for I’m not willing to take the grieve
Because one day, little Fred, groot uitgevallen sausage dog
With your cappuccino ass
And your hopjesdropneus
With your hazelnut eyes
You will die
and I can not handle this
So we have to make a deal
I will provide and pet you with half mijn ziel
I will be your sugar-Teddy
You will live through a reasonable age
You will not get sick
You will go in grace
You will thank me, for everything
For all the brokjes, for paying the bills
For petting and providing
For keeping you warm at night
For walking and throwing
He said okay and fair enough
Put his paw on my hand and that was that
The perfect deal from man to pet.
Now he’s six years old
And i believe I didn’t choose him, but he chose me
Since I now know all his dirty laundry
Literally: he shat on everything I own
I can say we shared more than I could ever foresee
He has now seen me naked more often I ever have seen me
And I have lovingly, whiped off his barf, shit, blood and pee
But I swear to god, I will be gone
If he ever votes for Mark Rutte or Forum voor Democratie..